Answering Machine Messages
by MYSTIC1
Summary: What would the characters of RW leave on their answering machines before the beep?
1. Default Chapter

These are what the Ronin Warriors and other characters would put on their answering machines shortly before the beep.  
  
Sage: If you are any of my unwanted fangirls, GO AWAY!!! I will never have SEX with you and if you keep asking, I will remain a VIRGIN at my dying day! If you are Yuli, you're too young to know what sex and virgins are, so don't ask. If you are Ryo and you have the same questions as Yuli, you should call your father and have a nice, long talk with him about the birds and the bees, because, Ryo-boy, now that you're dating women, you're a too old to be ignorant of such things. If you are either Sai, Kento, or Rowen, stop laughing at me! My life is stressful enough as it is! If you are merely Rowen on a sugar high, eat vegetables for a change! I'm talking about those green things at salad bars! Or do I have to explain what salad is? If you are Mia, the Ancient One, or my grandfather, I apologize for my outburst! Now, if you will please leave a message after the beep.  
  
Ryo: Um, hello. My name is Ryo Sanada, but if you are my friends, you should know that by now. If you are Sage, I know all about the birds and the bees. Birds are really peaceful to watch and I'm allergic to bees. If you are Sai, you need to apologize to White Blaze for making that pool in my yard. If you are Yuli, Mia, or Kento, I most humbly apologize for getting drunk and using my armor's special attack in front of an audience! If you are Rowen, you cannot come over to my house to look at the stars. Last time, you couldn't get a good view so you tried to blow down the entire forest. If you are the Ancient One, I apologize for burning down Kento's family's restaurant. Everything looks like the Dynasty when I'm drunk! Now, please leave a message after the beep!  
  
Sai: If you are Sage, no, I will not drive you anywhere. If the police see you even in the driver's seat, they might revoke my license for fun. If you are Ryo, my pond is not a bath for your tiger. If you are Kento, my family owns a pottery shop, not a sushi shop. If you are Rowen, no, you will not dissect fish for your biology project. If you are Yuli, feel free to come over; you are my only friend who is nice to fish. If you are Mia, please feel even freer to come over and stay the night too. If you are the Ancient One, no, I am not "too trusting" of Mia. Don't read anything into this. Now, if you are anyone else, leave a message after the beep.  
  
Kento: If you are Sage, thank you; you're a genius, dude! Please continue giving women my phone number instead of yours. I've been having really wild nights and I don't say much! If you are Ryo, next time we spar, never wear the Inferno. In fact, I don't know why you still have that armor anyway. You almost burnt down the dojo that my family uses. If you are Sai, fish tastes good cooked in homemade pottery. If you are Rowen . . . Rowen, I have only one word for you . . . DIET!!! And don't tell me I shouldn't judge. Yes, I eat a lot of food, hamburgers and stuff, but do you know what is always on my hamburgers? Everything! I get the meat; I also get LETTUCE and TAMATOES. Vegetables! I eat very healthy meals. When we go to restaurants, I eat a SALAD! I don't stuff myself down with chocolate and sugar like you do. I wonder if your mom is going to stop paying child support until you stop your obsession with candy. I know your dad needs those child support checks because he doesn't make enough money to pay for your giant dental bills. If you are Yuli, stay away from Rowen when there's candy around. He tends to get very territorial about his sugar. If you are Mia, don't call at night; the phone line will be busy. If you are the Ancient One, why did you give Wildfire and the Inferno to Ryo? He keeps getting drunk and burning things down. If you are anyone else, please leave a message after the beep.  
  
Rowen: If you are Sage and/or Kento, I know perfectly well what a salad is. I also know that chocolate and sugars are vegetables. After all, chocolate comes from the cacao tree from which we also get cocoa, and sugar comes from a plant called sugarcane. If you are Ryo and/or Sai, never prevent me from my research. I need plenty of open sky to see the stars and I need plenty of fish to dissect. If you are Yuli, I have a list of perfectly HEALTHY meals that your mother can fix for you. If you are Mia, don't accuse me of not knowing that healthy means. If you are the Ancient One and you wish to give me a lecture, um . . . I'm doomed. Now, please leave a message or lecture after the beep . . . 


	2. Chapter2

Anubis: If you are Kale, stay away from my books or else I'll slice and dice you. I am loyal only to myself and my books. If you are Sekhmet, stop your fascination with the sailor scouts or else I'll castrate you. If you are Dais, your spiders are not good hair-stylists, so don't ask. If you are master Talpa, have you ever tried taking a bath in that nether pool? If you are the holy Ancient One, why did you give me your job? Rescuing those ronin brats gets so annoying after a while. If you are anyone else, please leave your name and number after the beep so that I can find you to slice and dice you.  
  
Kale: If you are Anubis, don't try to steal my motorcycle next time. I don't care if you want to run away from your responsibilities to both master Talpa and the Ancient One. Loyalty, Anubis, remember? If you are Sekhmet, stop throwing poisoned roses; you scare me. If you are Dais, great illusion of Kayura that you created for me. I'm glad I'm the only one who can see it. If you are master Talpa, what exactly is obedience? If you are the holy Ancient One, what do you keep hiding under your hat? If you are anyone else, why are you calling?  
  
Sekhmet: If you are Anubis, I'll poison you for even thinking about calling me! If you are Kale, so what if I'm in love with Sailor Venus? You love Sailor Mercury! If you are Dais, you're a great hair-stylist! And thanks for that great illusion of Kayura that you put on Kale's bed. If you are master Talpa, you really should take a vacation; you're too stressed out. If you are the holy Ancient One, why do you keep talking to me about piety? You should try ruling the nether world and try defeating those ronin brats. Then, you'll understand how the Dynasty feels. That's piety. If you are anyone else, flower power!  
  
Dais: If you are Anubis, your hair-style sucks! If you are Kale, there are certain things you shouldn't do with illusions . . . I have to make them move, you know. If you are Sekhmet, your hair looks great! If you are master Talpa, could we invite the sailor scouts over for a slumber party? I want Sailor Mercury to see that illusion of Kayura that I made for Kale. If you are the holy Ancient One, there's a cat in your hat! If you are anyone else, you're a psycho for calling a dark warlord. 


	3. Chapter3

Talpa: If you are the Ronins, I'm too busy dressing up to fight you; call again. If you are my warlords, *cries*, why do you always loose to those children; why? Even Yuli beat you! If you are the Ancient One, the next bingo game is on Friday. If you are Badamon, we're getting too old for this; let's hire Yuli to take over the Dynasty; since he's more powerful than my warlords, then he's probably more powerful than the Ronins. If you are Mia, sorry, but I'm not interested in younger women. If you are Kayura, you're still too young for me. If you are Yuli, can I borrow the Jewel of Life? It's so pretty . . . If you are anyone else, leave your name, phone number and home address so that I may add you to my list of lost souls.  
  
Ancient: If you are the Ronins, no, I will not rescue you. You're big boys now. If you need any help, go ask Yuli. Ryo and Kento, I chose the bearer for Wildfire and Inferno in the 70s while listening to that groovy song "Disco Inferno" or at least, I think that was the name of it . . . If you are the warlords, keep trying! I remember when I was your age and had trouble obtaining my goals. If you are Talpa, for our next bingo game, should we put up the Inferno as a prize? That would certainly make the game more interesting. If you are Mia, toss Sai in a waste dump; I'm a much better man than he is! If you are Kayura, do you have a sister? If you are anyone else, peace, baby!  
  
Mia: If you are Ryo, I don't care if you burn down any buildings or not; I'm glad you don't drive. If you are Sage, I'll pay you one million dollars for you to lay on my bed. That should cover any therapy you might need. If you are Sai, you trust me so much, I'm so glad you're free! If you are Kento, I never call you at night; I call Sai. If you are Rowen, stop reading my books, you pervert! If you are anyone else, leave your name and phone number after the beep.  
  
Yuli's Mom: If you are Ryo, stay away from my son; he doesn't need your alcoholic and pyromaniac influence. If you are Sage, you're a nice boy, but please stay away from my son; all those women following you will be a bad influence. If you are Sai, feel free to come over and babysit. If you are Kento, stay away from my son; you scare me. If you are Rowen, you're a psycho; stay away from my son. If you are Mia, you're a wrench; stay away from my son. If you are Anubis, you're a really interesting man who knows his priorities; feel free to come over and teach my son anything you like. If you are Kale, why do you sound like a dumb blonde? If you are Sekhmet, you're such a wonderful influence on my son! If you are Dais, I love you. If you are anyone else, please leave your name and phone number after the beep. 


	4. Chapter4

Mad Scientist: If you are Sage, I've missed you so much!!! Wah!! Come back!! If you are Mia, I am perfectly free to give you shotgun training courses. If you are Yuli, then shame shame on you; your parents should have taught you better. If you are Ryo, has your father ever taught you about the dangers of guns? You don't need a gun anyway with those two whooshing swords of yours! If you are Kento, let's eat lunch sometime and I'll tell you all about Mad Cow... If you are Cye, little fishies like water . . . If you are Rowen, I'm more intelligent than you; I bagged Ronins! Including you! If you are Runa, only I can capture the Ronins, so there! If you are anyone else, please leave your name and number after the beep so that I may put you in the vat.  
  
Shikaisen: If you are Sage, I missed you very dearly and I really wanted to possess your body. You have no idea the pain I felt while being a giant putty face. sniffle If you are Mia, I think I should have hired you instead. If you are Yuli, take a good look at me; I am what happens to naughty little children. If you are Ryo, your Inferno armor's really powerful, but Talpa's looks cooler. If you are Kento, have you ever watched the Hannibal Lector movies? I think of you every time I watch one. If you are Cye, did you like the little bath? If you are Rowen, you're a retard. If you are Runa, there's nothing I need to say to you. If you are anyone else, please leave your name and number after the beep so that I may suck out your powers.  
  
Runa: If you are Mia, Ryo is MINE!!!! If you are Yuli, hey kid! Keep on fighting! If you are Sage, you're still a killer but a cute one! If you are Ryo, call me sometime, bro! I've missed you so much!! If you are Kento, don't you dare try to rescue me again! That's Ryo's job! If you are Cye, I wish you were Ryo . . . If you are Rowen, you better be glad Ryo didn't want any of his friends to die, so there! If you are the Mad Scientist, you're very old. If you are Shikaisen, you're just plain nasty. If you're anyone else, you know the drill.  
  
Mukala: Whoa . . . I can talk?  
  
Naria: If you are Mia, then I have some severe advise for you; it's our mission as women to prevent our men from going crazy, summoning a mega- armor and blowing up the world. You better keep a tight leash on those Ronins, girl. If you are Yuli, be nice to vultures! They're just waiting for the Ronins to die. If you are Sage, didn't your parents ever teach you to avoid trouble? You just plunge yourself right into it. If you are Ryo, didn't your mother ever teach you NOT to fool around with armors? If you are Kento, don't you dare repeat me as though I'm some silly girl! If you are Cye, let me dry you off; you're late. If you're Rowen, you're not as smart as you think if you don't know the meaning of teamwork. I think all those candies have been rotting your brain . . . If you are Mukala, you've been neglecting me! Wah! If you are anyone else, please leave your name and armor after the beep.  
  
Suzunagi: If you are Rowen, I loved laying in your lap even though I was only ten at the time . . . If you are Cye, haha! I fooled you! You look so cute when you're shocked. If you are Kento, how dare you try to destroy my proud creation! I'm telling my mother on you! If you are Sage, you torn off a piece of my heart . . . If you are Ryo, thank you for being there for me, but I still love Sage . . . 


	5. Chapter5

Yuli: If you are Sage, I need your help quick! My mom is controlling my life. She and my dad are leaving for a week; she called Sai to babysit me, but she also called Sekhmet to spend the week here because I'm not supposed to leave the house, and she thinks I'll get bored . . . If you are Ryo, why is it that AA signs usually have red letters? If you are Sai, don't pay any attention to what I said to Sage. If you are Kento, I wish you could babysit me . . . If you are Rowen, thank you for helping me with my biology project, but please don't tell Sai or Sekhmet about it. If you are Mia, I always knew there was something wrong with the way you dressed. If you are the Ancient One, whenever I think about who you chose to wear the Ronin armors, I know my life is actually a part of an anime show.

Sage: If you are Yuli, I advise you to rely upon the almighty mystical power of duct tape! Duct tape is the key, the answer, the solution. If you are Ryo, did you convince Sayuki to bring home a bunch of chickens? Now, there are chicken eggs laying all over the place! If you are Sai, since we're friends, I made an extra key to your car so that I can drive it anywhere. If you are Kento, I can't believe you got a cell phone . . . What have I done? If you are Rowen, my younger sister is very upset with you for spilling a dozen pixy stix in the chicken feed. If you are Mia, I'm not feeling well. If you are the Ancient One, why didn't you make our armors to come equipped with duct tape?

Ryo: If you are Yuli, red is my favorite color . . . that might have something to do with the AA. If you are Sage, um, I plead the fifth amendment? If you are Sai, I know Sage uses your car a lot and gas is expensive, but please quit asking oil companies to drill into my forest. If you are Kento, I don't feel comfortable with your family dictating what I should drink whenever I go to your restaurant. If you are Rowen, is sugar more intoxicating? If you are Mia, you're like the mother I never had . . . If you are the Ancient One, does your staff repair fire damage? Can I borrow it?

Sai: If you are Yuli, I don't listen to anything said about a dumb blonde, especially a "wise" dumb blonde. If you are Sage, you are such an oxymoron . . . HOW DARE YOU DRIVE MY CAR WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!!!!! If you are Ryo, would you rather get a job and help pay my car bills? If you are Kento, be careful not to use over 1000 minutes. If you are Rowen, I never imagined fish could become diabetic until you decided to feed them. If you are Mia, no comment. If you are the Ancient One, can your staff be used to cure mental ailments that are weird but not exactly evil?

Kento: If you are Yuli, I'm sorry I can't babysit you; it would certainly be less stressful than babysitting my family. If you are Sage, Alexander Graham Bell never knew what was coming to him. If you are Ryo, my family knows how to serve food and drink. If you are Sai, don't worry about me using 1000 minutes; I can hang up, and they never notice. If you are Rowen, you're a dentist's dream come true. If you are Mia, I'm tired. If you are the Ancient One, don't believe whatever Sai tells you.

Rowen: If you are Yuli, an advanced unique education is very important, so just forget about common sense; it's too common. If you are Sage, chickens need their veggies just like how people need their veggies. If you are Ryo, I wanna plead the fifth too! If you are Sai, will the fifth amendment put me in jail? If you are Kento, how high is your phone bill? Your activities don't seem cost-effective. If you are Mia, books are not perverted! I read only classics! It just so happens that the Tale of Genji is all about . . . nevermind. If you are the Ancient One, you must be really stressed out after dealing with all us Ronins; go eat some chocolate since it's a stress-reliever.


	6. Chapter6

Anubis: If you are Kale, your black flashlight really doesn't give off much light. If you are Sekhmet, the moon cats are going to scratch and bite you in your sleep. If you are Dais, you should try slicing and dicing people. It's alotta fun! If you are Talpa, um, I'm confused over the whole concept of loyalty... Can you explain it to me again? If you are the holy Ancient One, um, I think I was supposed to ask you something, but I forget what... Please call again later. If you are anyone else, slicing and dicing is fun!

Kale: If you are Anubis, my flashlight with its black bulb gives off plenty of light! You know I can only see in the dark. If you are Sekhmet, keep the moon cats away from me! I'm allergic, you know. If you are Dais, you changed that illusion of Kayura on my bed... I'm having nightmares because of what you did! If you are Talpa, don't worry. I've taken care of everything. There's not a single bit of candy left in the mortal world. If you are the holy Ancient One, would you like some chocolate? If you are anyone else, suffer! All of the candy in the mortal world now belongs to the Dynasty!

Sekhmet: If you are Anubis, moon cats don't scare me. Only a pikachu can scare me. If you are Kale, I'll gladly keep the moon cats! You can have pikachu! If you are Dais, I prefer snakes in my hair. If you are Talpa, you must have hated being a floating head when you were a kid. Everyone using you as a football... I feel your pain, man! If you are the holy Ancient One, you're boring. You don't have any pain. If you are anyone else, are you in any pain?

Dais: If you are Anubis, I am well-educated in the fine arts of torture. If you are Kale, no more illusions... please... If you are Sekhmet, my spiders are much better than those snakes! If you are Talpa, I demand a vacation! If you are the holy Ancient One, I'll consider becoming a ronin warrior only after I hear how many vacation days you'll give me. If you are anyone else, you must never become a workaholic.


	7. Chapter 7

Talpa: If you are the Ronins… erm… what was I gonna say to you again? I guess you'll have to come and find out. If you are the warlords, I have the phone numbers and addresses for your next victims. They are Tess, Faia, Kitt, and Sofia. If you are the Ancient One, how about a game of baseball? My team versus yours. If you are Badamon, do you wanna coach or referee? If you are Mia, stay away from my warlords; you scare them. If you are Kayura, I've bought several new toys for you. If you are Yuli, the Jewel of Life is such a girly thing! You need to give it to Kayura! If you are anyone else, leave your name, phone number and home address so that I may add you to my list of lost souls.

Ancient: If you are the Ronins, what in the world do you think you're doing with Suzunagi? If you are Ryo, the only fire damage my staff can repair is from hellfire. Wait, no! I take that back! If you are Kento, I'll have to think about that comment… If you are Talpa, a baseball game is excellent! Maybe it'll actually teach the Ronins a lesson! If you are anyone else, leave your name and phone number after the beep.

Mia: If you are Ryo, I have no life. If you are Sage, I've made some soup for you. If you are Sai, there is a bright orange fish in the water. It came after the recent hurricane and is waiting for you. If you are Kento, get some sleep. When did you have time to call me, anyway? If you are Rowen, guess what I'm NOT buying for you! If you are anyone else, leave your name and number after the beep.


End file.
